Dear Oliver Dlouhy, Founder & CEO of Kiwi.com, I am writing to tell you that your company – kiwi.com (in my opinion) is a total pile of shite. I don’t give a turtles turd that you have been named ‘Forbes Czech – 30 under 30’ because quite frankly, I have… Continue reading An open letter to kiwi.com
I turn forty next week. On the one hand it terrifies me, but on the other I don’t care. Great forty, shit forty? There’s that balance thing again. Most of the time I don’t really think about my age. Then, I’m confronted with a doctor or a police officer who… Continue reading Is turning 40 great or sh*t?
Last week was sports day. I can’t bare sports day. Maybe because when I was in school I was crap at it? My biggest sports day achievement was once coming third in the wheelbarrow race. I was the wheelbarrow of course. It’s a wonder my poor wrists didn’t snap I… Continue reading Top 10 Things I hate About Sports Day
So the day before yesterday my holiday books arrived from Amazon. I was in the top bedroom sorting clothes, when I saw the white van pull up. The deliveryman slumped out. He was kind of a young Jim Royle type. He lit up a fag and stomped over to the… Continue reading A rant about my Amazon delivery…
Question: Can you breastfeed with inverted nipples? Answer: Yes GreatMum Sh*tMum (that’s me) stands at the side of the road, arm outstretched. Her thumb is pointing upwards. In the distance she sees a large vehicle. It’s slowing down. As it grinds to a halt beside her she reads the big,… Continue reading Nipples – In out, in out, shake `em all about!
Ok, so my husband’s going to kill me for writing this. However, it might make him get his finger out… or his willy? Fingers crossed. *** If you are a family member, please DO NOT read on. Mum, put the iPad down and go watch First Dates on catch up!… Continue reading Sexual Bereavement – Are you mourning your pre kid sex life?
Only kidding. I have no idea…. Anyone got any tips? PLEASE?! Before I end up buying a one-way ticket to Goa and taking loads of recreational drugs and pretending like I never had children. My youngest is four and she’s never been a great sleeper. When she was a tiny… Continue reading How to turn your kid into a great sleeper?
I’m really body conscious, but how can I stop my daughters being that way too? Let me take you back to last Friday. I was at a funeral and a great aunt of mine (let’s call her Aunty Fatist) had not one, not two but three digs at me about… Continue reading How can I stop my daughters being body conscious?
Question: Can being hung-over make you a better mum? Answer: Yes. Ok, so maybe I don’t take my kids swimming for fear of me, or them drowning. Maybe I smell like a damp, 90’s bar towel… but let’s just look at it from their point of view… ‘Can we have… Continue reading Can being hung-over make you a better mum?
When your baby still isn’t sleeping through… ‘Mine were both sleeping through from twelve weeks.’ Good for you. That doesn’t help me though does it? Dick head. ‘My child is on reading level 5. How about yours?’ I couldn’t give a holy sh*te what reading level your child is on.… Continue reading Top 10 most annoying things other parents say…