Is homework for 3 year olds good or bad?

No chance of her getting knocked over that day really was there?

Since my children started nursery class at the tiny age of three (barely wiping their own arses may I add), they have been receiving homework.

HOMEWORK?!

For a three year old? What the actual FFFFFFECK?

I’ll never forget the first homework task. Trying to explain the concept to my three year old was tough. Guess what Education Minister? SHE. DID. NOT. GET. IT.

Not only did she not get it but it was also a little tricky for her to complete. Why? Because it involved taking pictures of all the exciting things we had done during the summer holidays (PRESSURE!) and then printing them out. Yes. Printing them out!

Do you remember printing pictures? It was that thing people used to do when cameras had film. You took the film down to Boots, handed it over, then you came back days later (or within the hour if you were feeling flash) and they were printed on that glossy, thick paper? Remember that? (eye roll) WHO THE HELL PRINTS PHOTOS ANYMORE???!!! I’ll tell you Education Minister… NO ONE!!!

Oh hang on, we have a printer, and it prints in colour…PHEW! But oh no, what is this pop up message? Colour inkjet levels low? Surely it’ll be fine, let’s just print them anyway. Oh ball bags. Why do printers always seem to print everything in yellow at crucial times like this? WHY?! All our pics resembling The Simpsons’ holiday snaps. NOOOOOOO! Come on other primary colours. DON’T LET ME DOWN NOW!

Do you know, Education Minister, when my firstborn was three the health visitor said she had excellent fine motor skills. However, I don’t think she actually could have managed to change the colour inkjet in our HP Photosmart printer in order to complete this A-hole of a task. She can’t download pictures, or drive to the photo lab in Asda, or use the printer…oh so hang on… was this… no, surely not… was this a homework task for ME?

To give you one or two examples of recent homework hell, let’s relive Sunday evening, end of February half term. Ok, ok I should have been checking the homework page before Sunday evening but hey, we were having too much of a lovely time to care. It’s worth bearing in mind, that by now both my daughters are in school. I braced myself. Maybe two lots of homework were in store for us. One piece for each kid?

No such luck. Guess how many tasks between the both of them? EIGHT!!! I know. I nearly had a mental breakdown. It drove me to hyperventilation and lager. My kids are six and four. The list included:

Kid no 1:

  1. Get together/purchase traditional Welsh St David’s Day costume.
  2. Make or purchase world book day costume and also bring matching book.
  3. Read reading book and fill out comments folder.
  4. Print out (kill me now) pictures of all the exciting things you have done during the hols for show and tell.
  5. Make a collage based on a myth or legend. (this is where hyperventilation started)

Kid no 2:

  1. Get together/purchase traditional Welsh St David’s Day costume.
  2. Make or purchase world book day costume and also bring matching book.
  3. Make a sculpture/piece of art of something that symbolises being Welsh.
Had to go to the shop and buy eggs then put eggs in a tupperware box… BALL ACHE CENTRAL!

CHRIST ON A STICK???!!!

Were they trying to break me? For starters World Book Day was obviously not invented by a Welsh person. Every year we are asked to put together two costumes on two consecutive days. Really? Also you would think that because of this the school would maybe go easy on all the other homework tasks. As in, don’t set any more! PLEASE!!! What next week? A 5000-word dissertation? Maybe they could ask them to write a Netflix screenplay pilot? Lord of the Rings the musical part deux?

Last weekend just gone was another epic one. My youngest won this prize thingy that they do in her class for motivation. I think all schools do something similar. You win a teddy and you have to take him round with you all weekend and take pictures of what you’ve been doing and print them (AGAIN???!!!) for this crappy show and tell scrap book.

So she won that. Wouldn’t have been so bad except we did SOD ALL this weekend. I had some mates over on Friday night and we were up drinking wine and breakdancing (don’t ask) until about 3am, so Saturday… nothing to report. Unless you count dragging the kids to co-op to buy sausage rolls and Berocca as an outing.

Was on the pop again then Saturday night (I know, I know…two nights in a row NEVER usually happens but it was a college mates get together and it was super fun), and so I was ruined again on Sunday. Pretty much just fed the kids crisps and watched movies all day.

WHY?

Why did we have to win that little d*ck head on the only weekend we did absolutely naff all. To make things even worse when I flicked back through the pages of that scrapbook those mum’s before me hadn’t half set me up for a fall. That little prick has basically had a better life than me the last few weeks and has been to swimming, to parties, to castles and even to bloody Croatia. What a privileged, spoilt little pr*ck.

So, in a total panic, after school yesterday we baked. I know, on a bloody Monday!! It was then of course, me who downloaded the pics to my laptop and me who printed them out and wrote the captions, and my little girl did what…oh yeah, she pritt-sticked them into the scrapbook and stuck a few cat stickers in the gaps. One for the UCAS application form eh babes?

Panic baking on a Monday night…NOOOOO!!

Come on now Education Minister. What happened to learning through play? What happened to letting them just be kids for a while longer…Please? Can I let you in on a little secret hun… (leans in and whispers)… most of these complicated, ball achy homework tasks are not for the kids at all. They’re tasks for the parents. Can we please have them banned so we can get on with important stuff like washing the school uniforms and just, well, getting them out the door?

The 4 types of homework parent:

  1. The Competitive One: This is the parent whose kids Easter bonnet is literally the same size as the O2 arena. Their child’s spine may be getting compressed but they don’t care, because their eye is firmly on first prize in that parade my dears.
  2. The Panicky One: You’ll find them on the class Whatsapp group late the night before, ‘Are you printing yours or is handwritten ok?’ (several worried emojis) Come on guys. GET. A. GRIP.
  3. The ‘Don’t give a sh*t’ One: ‘Was there homework? Oh well, I don’t really agree with the homework thing anyway.’ RESPECT!!
  4. The Clueless One: They do not have a clue what is going on. ‘What? There’s a homework page?’ Their kid is the one who turns up to school in their uniform on own clothes day. They will also, most definitely, be the only ones at the gate on Inset Day. There’s always one.

I’d love to be a number 3 but if I’m totally honest I’m more of a mix of 1, 2, & 4…

Homework like this, drives me to drink. FACT.

What type of homework parent are you? Do you think homework in primary school should be banned?

Please feel free to write your stories and opinions in the comments below and please share me on social media if you know any like minded parents who might enjoy my posts.

Thanks as always for reading!

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8 thoughts on “Is homework for 3 year olds good or bad?

  1. There’s a fifth parent… the “give it a go biwt… do it yourself. At least you did it and it’s not at all obvious that art student cousin did it…”…!! hated homework for ks1. Now at the stage where I don’t understand the questions, let alone able to help… oh the joy of GCSEs… lol… xx

    1. Do it yourself??? Whatever does this mean??? LOL! Oh god GCSE homework… I have all this to look forward to!! Thanks for reading Gles xxx

  2. 😂 First time experience of the 3-yr-old-homework-debacle. It’s a bit shit but stirring the competitiveness in me. Must.not.succombe.to.this. Lol. Awesome post. Have bookmarked your blog! ❤️

    1. Aww Thanks Laura, glad you are enjoying. I know, I’ve never been competitive but sometimes I do find myself trying a little bit too hard with these tasks!! Bring on the Easter bonnets!!!

  3. As an education professional who knows this stuff inside out … there is NO FUCKING REASON AT ALL (not legislation, not pedagogy) why under 5s need to be set home learning. None at all.
    Many OFSTED outstanding nurseries do not set homework at all.

    The recommendation is read with children daily and explore the world using language and numbers (ie parenting).

    And yeah, I’m that difficult parent who the inexperienced teacher tries to fob off because I look a bit chavvy and then unleashes exactly why there will be no structured home learning under 5 for my kid.

  4. It’s the Bain of my life Non, last weekend I was number 3. I felt so rebellious, Finn did his reading, spellings and times tables but also we had to take photos of plants in our garden and write about them . Ummm we’ve just moved house and my garden is full of weeds so I took photos of my mums lovely potted plants which Finn then pointed out we were actually lying . Not good morals, well done Finn. Gave him a kitkat and told him not to worry,, went to print the fuckers out and of course, error code Printer not connected. Literally 3 hours on a boiling Sunday afternoon wasted. So I thought balls to it and we went to the park for a scooter ride and I came home and drank Gin!! Hurrah