Why would we reward our kids for good behaviour? Don’t know about you, but I don’t do nowt for free. Who does? When it’s date night and I’ve made an effort to smooth down the Ken Dodd head and paint over the eye bags, I do expect a – ‘you… Continue reading Rewarding Kids – Top Ten Tips
A short essay on why females bring other females down… When I was head of year in a secondary school, about 90% of my time was spent sorting out bitchiness between girls. Now that my little girl is in school, sadly it is evident this sort of crap is still… Continue reading Bitch Eat Bitch
When I was a teacher, I loved teaching Sex Education. However… not all teachers shared my enthusiasm. Sixty year old, male D.T. teachers in their carky corduroys did not feel comfortable teaching it. Traditional, aging female R.E. teachers in their tweed skirts and beaded necklaces squirmed at even the thought.… Continue reading ‘Mummy, what’s sex?’
I have a very good friend (whom I love dearly and is probably going to read this), who for her baby’s first birthday threw the most epic kids birthday party. It was on par with an MTV ‘My Sweet Sixteen’ millionaire teenager’s bash. It had a bouncy castle, homemade cakes… Continue reading The kids party hell
In the last twelve months my six-year-old and my four-year-old have lost three grandads… I know, it’s complicated… (My Mum and Dad separated when I was about seven and so I have quite an extended family in a – ‘don’t ever ask me to draw my family tree’ type of… Continue reading Should small children go to funerals?
Dear Oliver Dlouhy, Founder & CEO of Kiwi.com, I am writing to tell you that your company – kiwi.com (in my opinion) is a total pile of shite. I don’t give a turtles turd that you have been named ‘Forbes Czech – 30 under 30’ because quite frankly, I have… Continue reading An open letter to kiwi.com
I turn forty next week. On the one hand it terrifies me, but on the other I don’t care. Great forty, shit forty? There’s that balance thing again. Most of the time I don’t really think about my age. Then, I’m confronted with a doctor or a police officer who… Continue reading Is turning 40 great or sh*t?
Last week was sports day. I can’t bare sports day. Maybe because when I was in school I was crap at it? My biggest sports day achievement was once coming third in the wheelbarrow race. I was the wheelbarrow of course. It’s a wonder my poor wrists didn’t snap I… Continue reading Top 10 Things I hate About Sports Day
So the day before yesterday my holiday books arrived from Amazon. I was in the top bedroom sorting clothes, when I saw the white van pull up. The deliveryman slumped out. He was kind of a young Jim Royle type. He lit up a fag and stomped over to the… Continue reading A rant about my Amazon delivery…
Question: Can you breastfeed with inverted nipples? Answer: Yes GreatMum Sh*tMum (that’s me) stands at the side of the road, arm outstretched. Her thumb is pointing upwards. In the distance she sees a large vehicle. It’s slowing down. As it grinds to a halt beside her she reads the big,… Continue reading Nipples – In out, in out, shake `em all about!